When something bad happens, we tell our people. We expect the support from our community to hold us up as we try to recover. But what if that support is not enough? What if we don’t get the response we need? Can negative reactions cause more problems? Can those who support us insulate us from those problems? A 2019 meta-analysis set out to shed some light on these questions.
As we begin to acknowledge how prevalent interpersonal violence (sexual assault, child sexual assault and intimate partner violence) is, psychologists are paying more attention to how the way people respond affects the well-being of survivors.
As with most things, it’s complicated. Negative reactions come in many forms: changing the way we treat survivors, making the survivor’s story about us, trying to distract them by changing the subject, patronizing them by taking control of their situation, and straight-up blaming the victim. While some people turn against the survivor, most people react in a way that just isn’t helpful. In both cases, negative reactions are harmful to survivors, leading to depression, anxiety, substance abuse and PTSD.
Not all negative interactions are the same. You might think victim blaming would have the biggest negative impact on survivors’ psychopathology. Not so. Reactions like controlling the survivor, treating them differently, and turning against them were more strongly tied to psychopathology. Survivors may be able to reframe victim blaming and not internalize it. These other negative responses may change the way survivors think about themselves. We don’t know why they are more harmful, but we know enough to avoid them.
None of this is surprising. What is surprising is how positive reactions affect survivors. They must help, right? Sadly, not so much.
Who do we tell? Most survivors of interpersonal violence tell at least one person in their circle of friends and family, or their romantic partner. Fewer people reach out in a more formal setting to the police or people in medical or mental health fields. Survivors disclose because they trust they will be supported, or they are looking for help. It is this expectation that makes positive support less helpful than we think it will be.
Think about it: you are driving to work. Nothing out of the ordinary happens. Do you remember that ride? Does it affect you? Now consider this: as you are nearing your first turn, the road is closed. You have to turn around and find another way. You’re late for work. Even if the road is open the next day, and the next, you won’t tell your friends the story of all the days the road was open and you got to work with no problem. You will tell them about the day the road was closed and you were late for work.
This is the same with a positive interaction after disclosing interpersonal violence. Survivors expect their friends and family to support them. When they do, there is nothing noteworthy about it. What they expect is confirmed. But when someone a survivor trusts does not support them, it stands out. Even if most interactions are positive, it is not enough to counter the effects of the negative interactions. Put bluntly, the negative interactions hurt more than the positive interactions help.
There is another distinction to be made about reactions to disclosure. There is a difference between perceived reactions and received reactions. Perceived social support is how a survivor feels about the reactions they get. Received social support can be observed. Excepting emotional support, positive received social support had slightly negative outcomes. Perceived social support did not lead to any increase in psychopathology. Negative social reactions had the biggest impact on the well-being of survivors.
What does this teach us? How we react to survivors of interpersonal violence makes a difference in their recovery. Negative reactions can hurt the most. Believing survivors and offering tangible help is also tied to some negative outcomes. But giving emotional support can be helpful. If a survivor tells you about interpersonal violence, do what you can to make them feel how much you support them.
Dworkin, E. R., Brill, C. D., & Ullman, S. E. (2019). Social reactions to disclosure of interpersonal violence and psychopathology: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 72, Article 101750. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2019.101750
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